November 24th
I think many parents can tell you not just the day their child was born, but also the day they were “due.” November 24th was Robin’s due date - Thanksgiving 2022. Robin should have turned a year old today. Or, if they were born at the same gestation as Jimmy, their birthday would have been November 20th. Instead, we only know Robin in our hearts and our dreams and our prayers.
One of the robins we have around the house to remind us Robin is always with us.
When we found out that we were due with a Thanksgiving baby, I was overjoyed! I love holidays. I love a reason to celebrate and gather with loved ones. I love a reason to wear themed clothes and be silly together. After a year of infertility, and years before that preparing for when we’d start a family, I can’t count how many times I said, “This time next year we’ll have a baby in our arms. Or at least I’ll be pregnant!”
The pregnancy announcement we made for Robin.
It felt like it was finally our time, we had a year of holidays to look ahead to, and then we found I’d only carry Robin for a very short time. We were devastated. I couldn’t imagine going through more holidays with another baby gone, waiting for one to be here on earth too. Of course, Jimmy/Bean was quickly on the way and I tried to keep my mind busy with that pregnancy.
However, as many of you know, each week was a struggle. Every milestone I reached with Jimmy/Bean was a milestone I didn’t have with Jackson or Robin. And it was made more difficult by the fact that each week of pregnancy with Jimmy/Bean moved us further from the time we had with Robin.
Last year, I spent the days leading up to this date crying. I was 35ish weeks pregnant, isolated from James in the house because he had influenza and we couldn’t risk me getting it, and missing out on family time for a funeral that I couldn’t travel for. Overall, the week was rough.
This year, we’ve spent the week in Texas with family, kept sufficiently distracted and busied with dozens of relatives getting to meet Jimmy for the first time, or see him for the first time in a few months. But all week I couldn’t stop thinking, “I should be rushing around planning a first birthday party! I should be getting the balloons and making the food and wrapping presents.”
And you know what? We did still have a first birthday party today. Because our Texas family won’t be able to come up to Minnesota in December, we had a mini party for Jimmy today. Ice cream cake, aunts and uncles and cousins, presents, a little “1” candle, and singing “Happy Birthday.” It’s not the birthday party I pictured, for the baby that isn’t here, but maybe it’s the one I needed today.
A picture from Jimmy’s mini-birthday.
We love you and miss you Robin, every single day. Happy “what could have/should have been your birthday” day.